Clueless Clouseau

Well, I’ve got my own mystery to solve. Who killed my sense of humor while I watched “The Pink Panther”? Oh, what was that you say? I have no sense of humor in the first place? Ha. You just became my number one suspect. You, sir/madam, may have slaughtered my humor, but my intellect is as healthy as ever. Oh, what is this snickering I hear from you? You think I’m crazy because I’m only imagining as if anyone is actually reading this. Ha. You, sir/madam, may have slaughtered my humor, insulted my mental health, but my imagination is as healthy as ever.

Before you crack anymore jokes on my expense, let’s crack the case for a change. Let’s look at the facts, before the crime: 1) The film scored a paltry 21% in Rotten Tomatoes. That didn’t bother me because 2) I haven’t seen any of “The Pink Panther” films before. Apparently, if you’ve seen them, like those disapproving critics, the latest version would comparably look bad. 3) I was willing to give Steve Martin a chance, after a dull performance in “Shopgirl” and 4) judging from the trailer alone, it looked like a fun movie.

Then, the sad and miserable facts, after the movie: 1) I only laughed three times, in a movie where there are endless scenes of gags. 2) Of the three things I laughed at, I only managed to remember one of them. 3) I didn’t hate Steve Martin as Inspector Clouseau; I just hate the way the character is written. Clouseau is way too clueless and way too clumsy. It gets tedious real fast. And Sacre bleu! Zat French accent – ees zo butchered to death. Oui, ees zat bad. 4) Maybe I do hate Steve Martin, since he’s partly responsible for the screenplay. 5) As for the mystery, the screenplay fails to make a credible one. The head coach is murdered and filched of his “Pink Panther” diamond ring, in front of thousand spectators. In these days, where cameras are ubiquitous during a big sports event, it seems unlikely that the murder or robbery was not somehow recorded. 6) Honestly, I didn’t hate the movie, but I’m positive in giving it a negative review. 7) Forget it! I’ve changed my mind. Why get worked up at all in continuing this review? This movie doesn’t deserve further film analysis from me. 8) I’m not going backtrack and figure out what killed my sense of humor anymore. Hell, I’ll move on and bring it back from the dead. 9) Now, I plan on watching an older “Pink Panther” film. Will I ever laugh again? Will I? To be continued…

10) The suspense is killing me.

Grade: D

Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Beyoncé Knowles, Jean Reno, Emily Mortimer, Henry Czerny, Kristin Chenoweth, and Roger Rees
Screenplay by
Len Blum and Steve Martin
Based on the Pink Panther films of
Blake Edwards
Directed by
Shawn Levy
Rated PG for occasional crude and suggestive humor and language