Harry Plotter Does (Movie) Magic

Paragraph One:
I guess this would be my introduction, where I’m supposed to entice you to read this movie review. Of course, if you don’t know what “entice” means, then I’ve apparently lost you. Boy, this is tougher than I thought. I can’t think of a hook and even if I did, a freakin’ hook isn’t enough. I need bait too to keep you biting. Where did writers get all these stupid fishing terminology anyway? And I suck at fishing. Maybe I’d better skip the intro thingy.

Paragraph Two:
Awesome, I’m on the 2nd paragraph already. I’m good. So what do I put here now? Right, maybe something about the movie. “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” is about these three people who meet in a L.A. party. Then, eventually people turn up dead. The less I mention about the plot, the better. I want you to be surprised. It’s a mystery, you see, but I think it’s more like a comedy. Wait, maybe it supposed to be a surprise that it’s a comedy? Did I just ruin —

Paragraph Three:
Now, this is the segment where I say what I like about the movie. I thought “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” contains the most hilarious narration since “The Opposite of Sex.” I love that Harry talks directly to us, the film viewers. He says things to us like “Have you solved the case of the dead people in L.A.? Times Square audiences – don’t shout at the screen.” and “Don’t worry. I saw ‘Lord of the Rings.’ I’m not gonna have the movie end 20 times.” Funny stuff, huh? Harry also isn’t that organized in plotting his movie story. Sometimes he forgets stuff and he has to rewind to a scene. He’s played with awkward charm by Robert Downey, Jr. and he’s the movie’s narrator as you might have guessed already. Yes, he’s also the Harry I refer to in the entry title, although I’ll explain much later. Maybe I should have covered this all in Paragraph #2. He was one of the three people I was talking about before. Remember? The L.A. party? The other two characters are Harmony (a delightful Michelle Monaghan) and detective Gay Perry (one of Val Kilmer’s standout roles). How do they connect to each other? Well, I’ll say it again – It’s a mystery. The less I mention, the better.

Paragraph Four:
We’ve come to the part where I still say what I like about the movie. The previous paragraph got longer so I decided to start a new one. Since I’ve mentioned the main actors, I guess I can compliment them in the way they complement each other. Their chemistry is top-notch. I love the fact that their characters are all basically mystery geeks in a mystery movie. Despite their dangerous predicaments, they have joy in piecing the clues together and it emits across the screen. Writer and director Shane Black keeps the thrills, the humor, and the mystery fresh throughout. His screenplay is cleverly clumsy and the witty dialogue is a comedy goldmine. It’s kick-ass entertainment all the way. I don’t mind a sequel, although I hope the mystery could be better.

Paragraph Five:
Here’s the section where I rant about what I hate about the movie.

Paragraph Six:
Okay, writing this is longer than I expected. But it’s cool; it’s proof of my hard work. I’m so proud of myself. Oh sorry, did the act of self-congratulation made you nauseous? I usually don’t like myself. Why am I telling you this? Paragraph #6 should be the conclusion already. Oh wait, I was supposed to explain the “magic” stuff in the entry title. But I’m too lazy; so much for hard work. Just watch “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang,” okay? There’s nudity – what do you have to lose to look? Ah damn, that should’ve been my hook. I hate myself.

Grade: A

Robert Downey Jr., Val Kilmer, Michelle Monaghan, Corbin Bernsen, Dash Mihok, Larry Miller, Rockmond Dunbar, and Shannyn Sossamon
Screenplay by
Shane Black
Based on the novel “Bodies Are Where You Find Them” by
Brett Halliday
Directed by
Shane Black
Rated R for language, violence and sexuality/nudity